You are wearing your makeup differently today.
It’s subtle, I can barely see the extra blush on your cheeks from across the street. I wonder why you did it. Are you going to meet someone? A man? Did you do it for me? I bet you did it for me. You do love to impress me, even though you look beautiful without makeup. That one time I came to your house late at night because we hadn’t spoken all day, you didn’t have on any at the time. It makes me wish that you never wore any every day. But I know you love wearing it, and I love you, so I won’t ever tell you that you shouldn’t wear it. Besides, being one of the few people that have seen you like that makes me feel so wonderful.
I hate when you talk to other men. Am I not good enough for you? I used to be. We used to talk all the time. And you were so nice to me, always polite, always pleasant. Why do you even want to talk to them? I’m sure they don’t care about you like I do, and definitely don’t love you like I do. It frustrates me you won’t talk to me first anymore, and I get so angry when you tell people about me. They just don’t understand. I’m looking after you is all, trying to be the best friend you can have. Because I love you.
I walk a bit behind you on your way to work. I got fired from there after you told everyone about how much I was caring for you. I wish I still had a job there so I could watch you work, the way you bite your lip when you’re thinking hard. Now I work across town, and I’m on my way to being fired because I walk you to work everyday to make sure you’re okay, which makes me late most days. But its worth it. All of it. Because I love you.
I don’t speak to you in the mornings because once you told me you are too tired in the mornings to talk. I talk to you in the afternoon almost every day though, so I can ask you how work was and who talked to you. We never have enough time to talk though, enough time for me to be around you. I like talking to you in person because many times I can smell the hints of the green apple shampoo in your hair. Sometimes though you don’t want to talk so I respect your space and walk a few steps behind you. Because I love you.
I think you are beginning to avoid me now, though. You spend more and more time at work, or at home, where I can’t make sure you’re okay. I don’t understand why you don’t laugh like you used to. It makes me sad that you are so sad now. I wish you would let me help you, so I could care for you the way I should be. I know I could make you much happier than any other so-called man could. Because I love you.
Sometimes I wonder what you would say to me if I actually talked to you.
Your Sweet Assassin